This is a kool perspective about Nerds and Tact (or rather the lack of)
by Jeff Bigler that I really liked. It explains the tact gap between
what he calls "normal" people and nerds. I wouldn't have used the term
"normal people" but rather "common people" to describe non-nerds because
the word "normal" implies that they are normal where "common" implies
that they are merely more numerous than nerds. Anyhow, I'm reprinting
this with Jeff's permission. To link to Jeff's home page, click on his
picture.
All people have a "tact filter", which applies tact in one direction to
everything that passes through it. Most "normal people" have the tact
filter positioned to apply tact in the outgoing direction. Thus whatever
normal people say gets the appropriate amount of tact applied to it
before they say it. This is because when they were growing up, their
parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "If you
can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"
"Nerds," on the other hand, have their tact filter positioned to apply tact in the incoming direction. Thus, whatever anyone says to them gets the appropriate amount of tact added when they hear it. This is because when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it."
When normal people talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they say, and no one's feelings get hurt. When nerds talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they hear, and no one's feelings get hurt. However, when normal people talk to nerds, the nerds often get frustrated because the normal people seem to be dodging the real issues and not saying what they really mean. Worse yet, when nerds talk to normal people, the normal people's feelings often get hurt because the nerds don't apply tact, assuming the normal person will take their blunt statements and apply whatever tact is necessary.
So, nerds need to understand that normal people have to apply tact to everything they say; they become really uncomfortable if they can't do this. Normal people need to understand that despite the fact that nerds are usually tactless, things they say are almost never meant personally and shouldn't be taken that way. Both types of people need to be extra patient when dealing with someone whose tact filter is backwards relative to their own.
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